Why Do We Fall in Love?
In a society that values individual choice, the thing we romanticize about love is not choosing at all.
There is something ironic about the way we talk about love in English-speaking liberal societies. We place so much value on individual choice, but when it comes to love, we fall.
We fall in love. We fall out of love. The language makes it sound like something happens to us, that our agency slips away and we no longer choose. And we romanticize that.
Of course, we choose our relationships and whether to stay. But when it comes to falling in love, we speak of it as something beyond our control.
I believe love is a choice, but I understand why it feels romantic to imagine that it isn’t. That’s the irony: in a liberal society where we place so much value on individual choice, the thing we romanticize about love is not choosing at all.